Why You Feel Exhausted All the Time: The Hidden Cost of Carrying Everyone Else’s Stress

Feeling drained even after a full night's rest is a common experience for caregivers, parents, and helping professionals. You might ask yourself, "Why am I like this?" The answer often lies in the invisible labor of carrying a heavy emotional workload. This emotional load can overwhelm your nervous system, leaving you exhausted and disconnected from your own needs. Understanding this hidden cost and learning how to protect your nervous system can help you regain energy and resilience.

A caregiver’s hands showing signs of fatigue and stress

What Is Invisible Labor?

Invisible labor is the unseen effort required to keep life functioning smoothly for another person. It includes:

• Planning, organizing, and scheduling

• Monitoring health symptoms

• Remembering medications

• Anticipating others’ emotional needs

• Advocating with medical or school systems

• Managing crises before they happen

• Providing emotional stability

• Keeping your own feelings in check to keep peace

In caregiving, this labor is constant. And because it often happens quietly, it rarely gets validated.

How Carrying Others’ Stress Affects Your Nervous System

When you constantly absorb the stress of those around you, your nervous system stays on high alert. This state is often called nervous system overwhelm. Your body reacts as if it is under threat, even when you are safe. This can cause:

• Chronic fatigue

• Difficulty concentrating

• Heightened anxiety or irritability

• Physical symptoms like headaches or muscle tension

  
  

This reaction is linked to the polyvagal theory, which explains how the nervous system responds to safety and danger. When you carry others’ emotional burdens, your nervous system may stay stuck in a defensive state, making it hard to relax or feel calm.

Polyvagal-Informed Strategies to Support Your Nervous System

Understanding your nervous system’s needs can help you find ways to soothe it. Here are some polyvagal-informed strategies that can reduce overwhelm:

• Engage in safe social connection: Spend time with people who make you feel secure and understood. Even brief moments of genuine connection can activate your social engagement system.

• Practice slow, deep breathing: This helps shift your nervous system from fight-or-flight to a calmer state.

• Use grounding techniques: Focus on physical sensations like feeling your feet on the ground or holding a comforting object.

• Create predictable routines: Stability helps your nervous system feel safe and reduces anxiety.

  
  

These strategies don’t require hours of practice. Small, consistent actions can build resilience over time.

Micro-Resilience Practices for Daily Life

Building resilience doesn’t mean you have to make big changes all at once. Micro-resilience practices are small habits that support your nervous system throughout the day. Examples include:

• Taking a few deep breaths before answering a call or entering a stressful situation

• Pausing to notice something pleasant in your environment, like a plant or a bird outside the window

• Setting gentle boundaries by saying no to extra tasks when you feel overwhelmed

• Drinking a glass of water mindfully to reconnect with your body

  
  

These tiny moments add up, helping you manage stress without feeling drained.

A peaceful space designed for relaxation and nervous system recovery

Why Am I Like This? Understanding Your Emotional Load

As a caregiver or helping professional, you might constantly ask, "Why am I like this?" The answer is often tied to the emotional load you carry. You absorb others’ pain, worries, and fears, sometimes without realizing it. This emotional labor is invisible but very real.

It helps to acknowledge that your feelings are valid and connected to your role. You are not alone in this experience. Many people with big emotional loads face similar challenges.

Practical Steps to Protect Your Energy

To reduce exhaustion, try these practical steps:

• Set clear boundaries: Communicate your limits kindly but firmly.

• Schedule regular breaks: Even short pauses can reset your nervous system.

• Seek support: Talk to a therapist, counselor, or peer support group familiar with caregiving stress.

• Engage in activities that restore you: This might be a hobby, nature walks, or creative outlets.

• Share the load: Let someone you trust know what you’re carrying. Even one validating conversation can decrease emotional weight.

• Build a Circle of Support: You don’t need a large network — just one or two people can help reduce the weight. If you're near us in Kentwood, Cascade, Ada, or Grand Rapids - give us a call! We would be happy to be part of your circle of support!

  
  

Remember, caring for yourself is not selfish. It’s essential to sustain your ability to care for others.